What a GREAT day.
Don't have much to add as I'm writing this late but I just want to say I feel really blessed to have the friends that I have.
Every day just keeps getting easier and easier and the more I stay focused when I start to loose track, the more staying on track will become a habit to me!
:D
Ps. Ran 5 k today! YEEE DAWGyy
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
30 day challenge - Day 2
What a hard day. But I guess no one said change would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Just gotta keep focused. This little light of mine...haha
xoxo
xoxo
QOTD
“You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.” - Dr.
Seuss
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.” - Dr.
Seuss
Monday, August 29, 2011
30 day challenge - Day 1
WOW it's only been one day and I've already been challenged. I was just being my normal cheerful self making convo and this person starts being so rude to me out of nowhere. You know what though, I actually let myself be sad for a hour and then I snapped out of it!!! PROGRESS! aha. All it took was talking about my goals to help me refocus.
Usually I would get nervous about this stupid conversation and think omg should I say something and try and keep the peace but I don't even care now, I'm mad instead aha. I don't need people like that.
I Don't need you I don't need you I don't need you I don't need YOU! HAhahaahaha feels good
What on earth would I do without all the great people in my life to help remind me of that! LOVE LOVE LOVE
A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield
Usually I would get nervous about this stupid conversation and think omg should I say something and try and keep the peace but I don't even care now, I'm mad instead aha. I don't need people like that.
I Don't need you I don't need you I don't need you I don't need YOU! HAhahaahaha feels good
What on earth would I do without all the great people in my life to help remind me of that! LOVE LOVE LOVE
A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!
SO this weekend I've been reallly cleaning out my closet. I threw a successful street sale on Saturday and managed to raise 250 dollars for Charity! Which, since it was just a garage sale, I feel that's a pretty good profit to make. While I was selling and connecting with my neighbours, I realized that I had forgotten how much I had loved a family on my street. Mainly because of a small issue and a little bit of embarrassment, I had kind of put them on the back burner and had spent almost 2 years now avoiding them.
Talking to them brought back a lot of feelings I had tried to ignore and convince myself weren't there. I had made a lot of mistakes a couple of years ago out of hurt and sadness. Sometimes when your so unbearably hurt, you don't think about what your doing and just act on instinct. Your blinded because dealing with the pain is just too much at the time. Sometimes you blame others. sometimes you find yourself acting in ways and saying things you would of never pictured yourself doing or saying and you just can't help it. Because pain has taken control.
The funny thing is, at this time, 2 years ago, I was dealing with the same thing I still am now.
It's amazing how much you don't learn in 2 years lol. I'm still dealing with myself. Still dealing with trust issues, still dealing with just not loving myself and respecting myself like I should.
It's amazing how many times a day I find myself giving in to people or doing things with people that I don't want to do out of fear, and being scared of their reaction. Earlier last year I felt free from people who put me under a lot of self pressure and I thought, "NOW things will be different!". But of course now I find myself back in the same place with new people who I can give into... out of fear.
Why do I do this? What is so wrong with saying no? If I don't want to go to a club, why do I convince myself that I don't want to miss something, and that is the reason I go? Why do I hang out with a guy if I'm just not feeling it? Why do I let a guy convince me that I want something, when I just don't? WHY do I dress up for a guy, and try to look my best all the time? Why does it feel like they never do the same? haha I'll tell you why because they don't care like I do. People don't try hard like I do because they shouldn't. And I shouldn't.
Shouldn't someone who actually loves me, love me for my details? No wonder things don't work out after a while because I eventually start being who I really am and things change. I always use to say that the guys always change, but they don't lol it's me. I start to grow sick and tired of the lack of effort, and I get really resentful. Then the trust just fades because I start questioning everything because if theres no effort like what I'm giving, then they must not like me the same. LOl it's amazing the things you convince yourself of without really analyzing the situation.
The biggest mistake I make is that because I don't ever do what I want to do or listen to how I'm feeling, I hold all my anger in and eventually, mainly around that time of the month Lol, I loose it. I can't hold in the anger anymore and I blow up.
I can't believe I never understood why this vicious cycle kept happening, until now.
I watched the movie, "Win a date with Tad Hamilton" today and the movie is the reason I've made this huge discovery of myself aha.
Kate Bosworth's character in the movie said, "You love someone for their details". Another character in the movie said, "Is it Love, is it Big love or is it Great love? See Love takes months to get over. Big Love takes about 2 years, and Great love well, you just never get over it"
I've spent so much time wondering about my past loves, comparing them to new people over time, and just wondering if I hadn't done this... then what would of happened. Wondering if some day we would reconnect and if we really are something special.
I actually became good friends with my past Big love this year and it's been really nice having him around helping me through a lot of my present problems. It's nice knowing now that that was just big love.
Big love that always fought because of lack of trust. Big love that blamed each other for all the hurt. Big love that was obsessive at times and just couldn't spare a minute without each other. But not because we didn't want to, but because we were scared of what the other might do, or of them moving on.
Now I understand that great love, just won't be the same. Great love will come to those that are completely honest with themselves and just learn to trust. Someone who will just learn to not care if someone else cares or not. To learn that in the moment there's no point worrying about what might happen. Because theres no way of knowing.
Why focus so much energy on what someone's thinking, when they might not even be around in a month?
I watched this short video (link below) on trying something new for 30 days and it got me thinking. For the next 30 days, every time I start to loose focus and worry about what someone else's thinking, I'm gonna say, "My life is more important then your life." Then I'm going to read this blog, after I print it aha, and then I will sing a song. "This little light of mine" in fact Lol.
I'm going to blog my process every single day starting tomorrow and by the end of thirty days I am going to be a stronger person. I refuse to accept nothing but change this time.
xoxo
http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html
Talking to them brought back a lot of feelings I had tried to ignore and convince myself weren't there. I had made a lot of mistakes a couple of years ago out of hurt and sadness. Sometimes when your so unbearably hurt, you don't think about what your doing and just act on instinct. Your blinded because dealing with the pain is just too much at the time. Sometimes you blame others. sometimes you find yourself acting in ways and saying things you would of never pictured yourself doing or saying and you just can't help it. Because pain has taken control.
The funny thing is, at this time, 2 years ago, I was dealing with the same thing I still am now.
It's amazing how much you don't learn in 2 years lol. I'm still dealing with myself. Still dealing with trust issues, still dealing with just not loving myself and respecting myself like I should.
It's amazing how many times a day I find myself giving in to people or doing things with people that I don't want to do out of fear, and being scared of their reaction. Earlier last year I felt free from people who put me under a lot of self pressure and I thought, "NOW things will be different!". But of course now I find myself back in the same place with new people who I can give into... out of fear.
Why do I do this? What is so wrong with saying no? If I don't want to go to a club, why do I convince myself that I don't want to miss something, and that is the reason I go? Why do I hang out with a guy if I'm just not feeling it? Why do I let a guy convince me that I want something, when I just don't? WHY do I dress up for a guy, and try to look my best all the time? Why does it feel like they never do the same? haha I'll tell you why because they don't care like I do. People don't try hard like I do because they shouldn't. And I shouldn't.
Shouldn't someone who actually loves me, love me for my details? No wonder things don't work out after a while because I eventually start being who I really am and things change. I always use to say that the guys always change, but they don't lol it's me. I start to grow sick and tired of the lack of effort, and I get really resentful. Then the trust just fades because I start questioning everything because if theres no effort like what I'm giving, then they must not like me the same. LOl it's amazing the things you convince yourself of without really analyzing the situation.
The biggest mistake I make is that because I don't ever do what I want to do or listen to how I'm feeling, I hold all my anger in and eventually, mainly around that time of the month Lol, I loose it. I can't hold in the anger anymore and I blow up.
I can't believe I never understood why this vicious cycle kept happening, until now.
I watched the movie, "Win a date with Tad Hamilton" today and the movie is the reason I've made this huge discovery of myself aha.
Kate Bosworth's character in the movie said, "You love someone for their details". Another character in the movie said, "Is it Love, is it Big love or is it Great love? See Love takes months to get over. Big Love takes about 2 years, and Great love well, you just never get over it"
I've spent so much time wondering about my past loves, comparing them to new people over time, and just wondering if I hadn't done this... then what would of happened. Wondering if some day we would reconnect and if we really are something special.
I actually became good friends with my past Big love this year and it's been really nice having him around helping me through a lot of my present problems. It's nice knowing now that that was just big love.
Big love that always fought because of lack of trust. Big love that blamed each other for all the hurt. Big love that was obsessive at times and just couldn't spare a minute without each other. But not because we didn't want to, but because we were scared of what the other might do, or of them moving on.
Now I understand that great love, just won't be the same. Great love will come to those that are completely honest with themselves and just learn to trust. Someone who will just learn to not care if someone else cares or not. To learn that in the moment there's no point worrying about what might happen. Because theres no way of knowing.
Why focus so much energy on what someone's thinking, when they might not even be around in a month?
I watched this short video (link below) on trying something new for 30 days and it got me thinking. For the next 30 days, every time I start to loose focus and worry about what someone else's thinking, I'm gonna say, "My life is more important then your life." Then I'm going to read this blog, after I print it aha, and then I will sing a song. "This little light of mine" in fact Lol.
I'm going to blog my process every single day starting tomorrow and by the end of thirty days I am going to be a stronger person. I refuse to accept nothing but change this time.
xoxo
http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Lanvin For H&M
While browsing Elle.com, I was reminded of a line for H&M that really inspired me last year.
Lanvin had partnered with H&M last year to create a really colourful inspiring collection. The collection was pretty much made for my personal style. Here's some images of the line:
I was so excited remembering the line that I did some research and found some pieces from Lanvin's new fall collection for 2011. Here are some of my fav pieces:
These pieces are all over $2000 pounds which isn't exactly in the H&M shopper budget like myself aha but still nice to look at and admire.
Here is the website link to view the complete collection: http://www.lanvin.com/e-lanvin/INT/women/ready-to-wear.html
Xoxo
-Bella
Lanvin had partnered with H&M last year to create a really colourful inspiring collection. The collection was pretty much made for my personal style. Here's some images of the line:
I was so excited remembering the line that I did some research and found some pieces from Lanvin's new fall collection for 2011. Here are some of my fav pieces:
These pieces are all over $2000 pounds which isn't exactly in the H&M shopper budget like myself aha but still nice to look at and admire.
Here is the website link to view the complete collection: http://www.lanvin.com/e-lanvin/INT/women/ready-to-wear.html
Xoxo
-Bella
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
This is what I thought about today...
-What ever happened to Ben Savage and the cast of boy meets world!?!?
- What ever happened to Lindsay Lohan being a lesbian?
Did you know that Howie Mandel from Deal or no Deal played Bobby from Bobbies World?! aha
I watched the premiere of The Lying Game today and WOW was I blown away. The Lying game is from the same author as Pretty Little Liars and may or may not be may new favourite show. Actress Alexandra Chando is AMAZING. I have a feeling she might be my new fav celeb of the year.
ANYWAYS PLL time! (Pretty Little Liars)
xo
The most beautiful sunset I've ever seen!!!
MY Christmas Wish list...aha gotta plan ahead
Christmas wish list:
- Nokia Camera: http://en.nikon.ca/Nikon-Products/Product/Compact-Digital-Cameras/26257/COOLPIX-P500.html
- Miss Dior Cherie perfume
- New Bedroom: Tiffanies blue paint on walls and chandalier picture. Frames for Teen vogue pics.
- Tiffanies Necklace, This one: http://www.tiffany.ca/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=GRP02486&mcat=148204&cid=573050&search_params=s+5-p+9-c+573050-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+-k+
- Louboutins
THAT IS ALL.
The most beautiful shoes of all time
They are just so beautiful.
The shoes look like Edward Cullen in the sunlight
Ahhh love <3
Saturday, August 13, 2011
QOTD - Quote of the day.
wowowowowowowow
Well I'm warn out. Do you ever find that talking to some people is just so draining? Like some people make problems out of nothing and just love the fight?
I don't understand what drives people to be this way? Too be so negative...
My stomach is literally eating up my insides thinking about how mean some people can be and how they'll twist their words and say something one minute and then say they didn't say it the next to screw up your thoughts and then act like what your saying is stupid to make you confused even more and give you an end feeling of defeat. I'm out of breath aha
I've known quite a few people to do this in the last couple of years and I applaud them for being such genius's but they all live sad negative lives. Some are trying to change themselves but still look for a fight with the weak whenever they can. It's so sad to look at these people and unfortunately for me I've been a good target for them as I tend to be pretty happy go-lucky 90% of the time.
So to all you people like that, who play these mind games...I wish you the best of luck with happiness in your life.
alright aha now that I have that off my chest...I actually wrote that a day ago and so now i've come back to it and am pretty much over it.
So i was just tweeting along when I saw Heidi Montags name and I thought hmmm I wonder what she's up to these days... Then of course that led me to Spencer...which inevitably led me to a link that opened up my Itunes and played Heidi Montags songs. aha They are surprisingly catchy.
READ MY BODY LANGUAGE...I keep singing over and over again.
She performed this song at the Miss Universe a year ago and even though her dancing was pretty bad...You can definitely tell with some practise that she's got potential. Not to mention she is not shy at all and owned that stage. Ohhh Heidi.
Off too MONT TREMBLANT today with my shorty. Never been there before and since it is not winter I have no idea what to expect aha. I guess we will see won't we aha.
Anyways back to studying for my oh so secret career. Muahaha.
Life can be great if you choose it to be.
xoxo
-Bella
I don't understand what drives people to be this way? Too be so negative...
My stomach is literally eating up my insides thinking about how mean some people can be and how they'll twist their words and say something one minute and then say they didn't say it the next to screw up your thoughts and then act like what your saying is stupid to make you confused even more and give you an end feeling of defeat. I'm out of breath aha
I've known quite a few people to do this in the last couple of years and I applaud them for being such genius's but they all live sad negative lives. Some are trying to change themselves but still look for a fight with the weak whenever they can. It's so sad to look at these people and unfortunately for me I've been a good target for them as I tend to be pretty happy go-lucky 90% of the time.
So to all you people like that, who play these mind games...I wish you the best of luck with happiness in your life.
alright aha now that I have that off my chest...I actually wrote that a day ago and so now i've come back to it and am pretty much over it.
So i was just tweeting along when I saw Heidi Montags name and I thought hmmm I wonder what she's up to these days... Then of course that led me to Spencer...which inevitably led me to a link that opened up my Itunes and played Heidi Montags songs. aha They are surprisingly catchy.
READ MY BODY LANGUAGE...I keep singing over and over again.
She performed this song at the Miss Universe a year ago and even though her dancing was pretty bad...You can definitely tell with some practise that she's got potential. Not to mention she is not shy at all and owned that stage. Ohhh Heidi.
Off too MONT TREMBLANT today with my shorty. Never been there before and since it is not winter I have no idea what to expect aha. I guess we will see won't we aha.
Anyways back to studying for my oh so secret career. Muahaha.
Life can be great if you choose it to be.
xoxo
-Bella
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Goodbyeeee
I have that really annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach that you get when you know that your unhappy and someone isn't right for you.
My only concern is that I really think too much about situations and so I'm afraid that I've over-analyzied this too much but honestly, what's wrong with wanting someone to show that they miss you? Or what's wrong with wanting someone to tell you how lucky they are or tell you your beautiful even when you look the worst? aha
Is it just me or does that only happen on tv? I would really like to know because I feel like I'm straining to find that Lol. It sucks because of course everything is always so grand in the beginning and then they just change or they forget. Then I get into this annoying habit where I try so hard to get attention and I forget about what's important in my life and focus all my energy on them. Then because I'm not focusing on myself, I start to get resentful of them and then it's never the same. LOL. My friend in Cali says this is clearly a case of me needing to solve this stupid issue on my own...without boys. But I know that this issue will continue to happen until I feel accomplished in my career. Performing is all I've ever really wanted to do and this is the one thing that could determine whether I succeed or not because it's a huge distraction to me and I loose focus on my goals.
Ok so new goals:
1) Take out thee distraction from my life.
2) Stop flirting and potentially adding new distractions LOL
3) Remind yourself every night before bed that the right guy will understand and will wait for me.
lol obviously the last one is based on hope but it's all I've got and I gotta convince myself that it is true otherwise I might let myself get distracted.
Anyways off to training!
xoxo
-Bella
My only concern is that I really think too much about situations and so I'm afraid that I've over-analyzied this too much but honestly, what's wrong with wanting someone to show that they miss you? Or what's wrong with wanting someone to tell you how lucky they are or tell you your beautiful even when you look the worst? aha
Is it just me or does that only happen on tv? I would really like to know because I feel like I'm straining to find that Lol. It sucks because of course everything is always so grand in the beginning and then they just change or they forget. Then I get into this annoying habit where I try so hard to get attention and I forget about what's important in my life and focus all my energy on them. Then because I'm not focusing on myself, I start to get resentful of them and then it's never the same. LOL. My friend in Cali says this is clearly a case of me needing to solve this stupid issue on my own...without boys. But I know that this issue will continue to happen until I feel accomplished in my career. Performing is all I've ever really wanted to do and this is the one thing that could determine whether I succeed or not because it's a huge distraction to me and I loose focus on my goals.
Ok so new goals:
1) Take out thee distraction from my life.
2) Stop flirting and potentially adding new distractions LOL
3) Remind yourself every night before bed that the right guy will understand and will wait for me.
lol obviously the last one is based on hope but it's all I've got and I gotta convince myself that it is true otherwise I might let myself get distracted.
Anyways off to training!
xoxo
-Bella
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